A Letter to My Daughter on Her 5th Birthday

“The average distance between a dream and its manifestation is the number of times your knees have bled while clinging to the ground in prayer.” - Nancy Ruffin

Today is your birthday. I have been writing to you since the day I learned of your conception. It has been five glorious years that I was blessed with the gift of being your mother. For 1,825 days you have shown me joy like I have never known and the incredible capacity the human heart can love. The manifestation of your life was not a mistake. It was intentional. It was purposeful. It was every single prayer, answered. It was a baptism of dreams formed from the thousands of tears I shed those months I painfully sank into the bathroom floor clinging to negative pregnancy tests. These past five years have made the pain and heartbreak leading up to your birth worth it.

Every new day brings with it a new opportunity to celebrate:

Your existence

Your greatness.

Your brilliance.

Your magic.

You represent all that is perfect in this world. Your innocence, your kindness, and your amazing way to brighten up my day by simply walking into the room reminds me of God’s grace. I prayed for you so much. I prayed and cried myself to sleep some nights. Your life represents for me my ability to create miracles as long as I never lose my faith or my way. When I look at you I see God. I will never be able to fully express in words the love that I have in my heart for you. I love you so much, it hurts. I never want you to experience hurt, or pain, or disappointment. Yet, I know all those things are a part of life. And although I won’t be able to protect you from experiencing them, I can promise to always be here when they do.

In two months you will be starting kindergarten in a new school, with new friends, and a new teacher. I am simultaneously excited and afraid. You are growing up so quickly and I can barely adjust to one milestone before you’re already on to the next one. It’s hard letting you grow up. My natural instinct is to hold you close forever.

At 5 years old you are confident, articulate, helpful, kind, stubborn, and affectionate. You take pleasure in helping around the house and take pride when you’ve done a task well. You often give up your toys so Alexah can play with them. You watch over her and baby her like a big sister should. You are so amazing with her.

You enjoy reading, dancing, and singing. You are so creative and are constantly making up your own songs, stories, and drawing up pictures. This year we’ve enrolled you in gymnastics and swimming, both activities you enjoy doing. You are extremely close with your cousins, but you and JD somehow find things to continuously argue about. It’s annoying and cute at the same time. It warms my heart to know that you love and value the time you spend with your family.

As you get older I hope you always remember the value and importance of family. Friends are great to have, but experience has taught me that in the end you may not always be able to count on your friends. Invest your time and love on nurturing the relationships with those closest to you because, more often than not, your family will be the ones who will be there for you. Always know that even if everyone you trust and love betrays you, mommy and daddy never will. We will always be the ones you can count on no matter what.

Avarie, thank you for giving my life new meaning. Thank you for being such an amazing person. Know that you were purposely created. That your life matters. That you matter.

Know that you have a right:

to exist

to live

to take up space

to breathe

to move

to release into the world

all the magic

God created in you.

Never forget that. I love you baby girl. Happy 5th birthday.